


Taking one for the team

by PlumPromises



Series: WE HAVE TO STOP MEETING LIKE THIS [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Definite body functions (no hint this time), Embarrassment, F/M, Gen, Probably Steve's worst day ever now, Second-Hand Embarrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlumPromises/pseuds/PlumPromises
Summary: Taking place in some nebulous time-frame between Avenger's Ultron and Civil War, this is a previous one-shot turned two-shot of another unfortunate encounter between Darcy Lewis and Captain America. It takes place in an elevator and it isn't sexy, not even a little.It couldn't possibly get any worse than THIS though. Right?
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers
Series: WE HAVE TO STOP MEETING LIKE THIS [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1934026
Comments: 40
Kudos: 100





	Taking one for the team

**Author's Note:**

> Due to how well received my last one-shot was, I've FINALLY finished the second encounter. I do apologize for the extreme delay. Beyond the obvious, it's been a helluva year.
> 
> As with my last encounter though, this will not be attractive or romantic. This one is a Steve POV. Honestly I sort of rushed this too because I realized it's been over a damn year since my last one and the feeling hit me out of the blue so I literally just wrote most of this today. No beta, no editing. I honestly hope it isn't crap and gets a smile out of a few people.

Steve had not given up on Bucky, not since seeing him for the first time this turn of the century. Hydra had done a number on his old pal, but he didn’t know how or what they’d done exactly to strip the man of his memories and mind. He intended to find out though. That’s why he’d asked Stark to build the recovery and rehabilitation lab. It was only a matter of time ‘til he found Buck again, and when he did, he needed to be ready for it.

The top floor of Stark’s Alpha Lab had been secured as best the contractors could manage, equipped with a slew of high-tech medical gear that Steve only had the vaguest of understandings for. Once the basics were set up though, he’d wanted to go and test the place himself. Wouldn’t do anyone any good if something went wrong and they couldn’t keep Bucky safely contained.

A light day for staff; that’s what Stark had told him when he’d asked about the progress; said that would’ve been a good day to take a look and see if he approved of the work or had any suggestions for improvements. He’d spent a while at it, making sure somebody with his own strength couldn’t bust down doors or break through walls. There weren’t any windows on that floor—his personal request—so that was at least one less thing to worry about. He’d been feeling satisfied about the space and ready to wrap it up for the day when he’d heard it.

A woman’s faint call for help.

Well, Steve wouldn’t’ve been able to call himself much of a hero—or a man for that matter—if he went and ignored it, so he’d followed the calls ‘til they’d gone silent. He’d found himself one floor down, standing in front of a door, but he hadn't been sure that's where the person in trouble was ‘til he knocked.

What followed had been one of the most uncomfortable situations of his life, and that was saying something ‘cause boy had he’d lived through some doozies. Getting beat up in front of his date as a teen had been the height of his shame, still was, but this took a solid second.

After the whole mess, Steve had gone the extra mile to avoid Stark’s Alpha Labs, both for the nameless brunette’s sake and his own. He didn’t know who she was. Didn’t even know where she worked, though he assumed right at those labs was a good start. And he had no clue what it was she did for Stark, but he hoped it was exclusively done at the one place he could avoid for the time being.

Two weeks had passed since then, and Steve was starting to all but forget the incident.

Between fleeting reports of Winter Solder sightings, ongoing searches for Banner, dodging the media for comments about Sokovia and the related forthcoming political debates, hunting down the remaining fingers of Hydra, training the new recruits and hearing worrying reports from Thor that the stone on Vision’s head was just the tip of a potentially deadly iceberg, there wasn’t a whole lot of room left to dwell on day to day mishaps.

He and some of the team had finally found a few hours to unwind though, so they gathered in the lounge located at the top of the Avengers Tower to blow off a little steam. The sun was setting, and the clear sky was splashed with vibrant shades of orange, pink and purple that bled in through the windows and filled the room with a dying summer glow. Thor was even planet-side for a few nights, his search for other stones coming to a pause while he waited for information. He’d brought them back food and drink from some realm—or planet; Steve wasn’t real clear on the distinction between those two—called Nornheim, and so a spread of pizza, beer, ceramic jugs of something called Glühend Mead and a wooden tray covered in Zornigwildeneber jerky sat between them on the coffee table.

Steve sat by himself on an armchair, leaned forward and resting against his knees with a mug of mead in one hand. Natasha and Wanda sat together on the love chair with Vision hovering behind them and off to the side, switching between watching the group and the city below. On the other couch, Sam sat on one side while Thor relaxed on the other.

“Say it for me again.” Sam asked before taking a swig of mead.

He was also back in New York now that another lead on the Winter Soldier had gone cold, both he and Steve needing a breather to brush off the disappointment before trying again.

“ _Zornig-wilden-eber._ ” Thor answered, breaking the long word down into easier chunks.

“Zornig—" Sam started to say, but Thor held up a cautioning hand as Natasha reached for the plate of jerky.

“Take care with this.” He interrupted with a warning. “You should no more than a bite. The Zornigwildeneber is a mighty beast, the flesh and muscle touched by the eternal fires of Muspelheim. They fled the realm of fire millennia ago, but still carry its great heat within their veins.”

“So, it’s spicy then.” Sam concluded flatly.

Thor let out a hearty laugh and shook his head.

“Spice is for lesser foods and mortal mouths. No, my friend, this meat scorches the lips with a natural flavor of smoke and charred wood, then burns the tongue with a wild, base sweetness and the tang of boiling blood.”

Natasha lifted an eyebrow at the description, then pulled her hand back and smiled.

“I think I’ll stick with the mead.”

“A wise decision.” Thor agreed.

“Why’d you even bring this if we can’t eat it?” Sam asked, dubiously eyeing the jerky.

Thor grinned, then reached out and grabbed a large ration of it.

“So that my friends might test their mettle, should they wish to.”

“That sounds like a challenge to me.” Sam stated, watching as Thor ripped off a chunk of meat and began to chew.

“You boys have fun with that.” Natasha lifted her glass to them in a mock toast before bringing it to her lips.

“I too will pass on this.” Wanda said, clutching her own glass with two hands as if having one free would volunteer her to partake.

“While they have their little measuring contest,” Natasha grabbed a champagne bottle off the table by its neck and stood, staring pointedly at the other woman. “I say we take this to the roof and finish it off. I’d rather not stay here and gag on the testosterone.”

“I will go with you.” Vision chimed in, floating up and out of the room before anyone could even answer, solidifying their plans for the roof now that they had somebody waiting for them.

“About this challenge…” Sam started, eyeing Steve and Thor as the women left.

“Oh, what the hell.” Steve reached out and grabbed a piece of jerky.

An hour later that decision was sorely regretted.

Thor had left ten minutes prior to meet up with Dr. Foster, and now that he was gone neither Steve nor Sam could keep up appearances any longer, try as they might. While the Norse god’s cheeks had turned pink from the heat, the competing _human_ men were sweating buckets and wishing for some sweet release. Sam was already behind the bar, his head in the fridge as he swished whatever dairy products could be found, his fist pounding against the countertop as he tried to endure the pain. Steve envied his friend for getting there first. Everything from his toes to the tips of his hair felt like they were enveloped in fire, and all he wanted to do was go home and take an ice bath. He had to keep up some semblance of steadfastness though, refusing to admit how willing he was to guzzle an entire gallon of milk right there and then. Maybe even bathe in it.

“I’m heading back—.” He choked out, each word coming up like a shard of glass. “To my apartment.”

Sam let out an intelligible noise that sounded close enough to an _okay_ that Steve simply stood, turned, and started toward the elevator as his eyes watered and his muscles twitched. After stumbling in, he smashed the button for the ground floor then leaned against the wall, his mouth burning so badly that he could barely think. Did he even have milk at home? If not, would beer help? Would ice? Would _anything_? He considered swinging by a 7-11 for yogurt, ice cream and anything else that might quench the burn. He could fit quite a few cartons into the bag on his bike, and while a pit-stop would be unpleasant, the alternative of suffering through this all night seemed worse. That was it then, he decided. He'd stop at the store. Several if need be.

But then, three floors down, that's when Steve felt it.

That old familiar roll of the stomach. An expanding discomfort. A deep bellied gurgle. It was a sensation he hadn’t felt since taking the super-solider serum and it brought out a whole new round of sweat. He shifted his weight and breathed out, trying to ignore the building ache laying on top of the fire already churning in his guts. He held onto the handrail and pressed a hand to his stomach as it gave another twist. Maybe Thor had been right after all; the Zornigwildeneber jerky wasn't meant for mortal men, enhanced or not. At least not this one. His bowels squirmed and he winced, shifting weight to his other foot and wondering if he should just find a bathroom before stranding himself in the middle of town on a motorcycle. If he had to make an emergency stop in an alley somewhere, he’d never live down the shame of it even if nobody else knew. _He_ would know.

He reached forward to stop the elevator off on the next floor, but just like that pain subsided. The churning calmed. He felt fine again. Well, mostly fine. His mouth, throat and stomach were still ablaze, but at least there was nothing else distressing adding to this already bad experience. His bowels had managed the feat after all. Steve breathed in deeply to cool his tongue, feeling confident that he could make it home to be miserable in private now. When the elevator stopped two floors later though and the doors opened with a quiet chime, the hairs on the back of his neck prickled at the sight of a familiar face. The Alpha Labs brunette had stopped mid-stride, her eyes locked onto his as she froze in recognition at the same time.

“Balls.” She blurted in obvious surprise, and Steve had to stop himself from echoing a similar sentiment.

“Ma’am.” He said instead, keeping it professional despite knowing he probably looked an absolute mess between the sweat soaking through his clothes and the redness of his face and neck.

Maybe she’d just think he’d been working out rather than indulging in some highly juvenile behavior with the team. He hoped she would at any rate. Team building exercises were important and fun, but he’d be hard pressed to explain the benefits of a spice-endurance contest with a god. She gave him an award-winning smile and stepped backwards into the hall again, her hands stretching open in surrender to suggest the elevator was all his.

“I can get the next one.” She said, and Steve couldn’t help but wonder if the offer was for her sake or his.

They were adults though; this didn’t have to be awkward.

“You don’t have to.” He told her, waving a hand in to offer the large open space beside him because uncomfortable or not, Steve refused to not be a gentleman. He had an image to uphold. “Please.”

She pulled a phone out of her pocket and checked it, likely looking at the time, before she adjusted the shoulder strap to her bag and sighed, slipping the phone back in place. She stepped in then and went to the opposite end of the elevator, clearly keen on avoiding all eye contact as she stared straight ahead at her own reflection.

“Which floor?” He asked, clearing his throat as the constricting burn dissuaded him from talking more than that.

“Ground.” She answered, glancing over at the buttons to see that it had already been selected. “Just heading home.” She added, her eyes lingering on his face before turning away to stare at the floor, and then the ceiling, and then herself again as she busied her hands with picking at her fingernails.

The elevator doors closed with a soft woosh, and a second later they began to descend.

Steve thought about saying something, _anything_ , but he knew the words would sound strained and he honestly wasn’t even sure what to say. Nice to see you again? Hope you haven't had any more mishaps? There didn't seem to be any polite way to begin a conversation, so he stared straight ahead too. In the reflective walls around them he noticed her glance at him every few seconds, a wrinkle of either concern or curiosity sitting between her brows. It was obvious that she'd noticed his flushed face and sweating. He considered saying something to apologize for the way he looked and maybe get a laugh out of her to disrupt the uncomfortable atmosphere, but before he could think of anything another cramp exploded inside his belly and he clutched at it, leaning forward a little in surprise.

“Ohmygod dude, you okay?” She was quick to face him, her eyes searching him for an answer while her hand hung in the air, halfway to reaching him but stopping short. “Er, Captain, I mean. America. Mister Captain. Shit.”

“I’m fine!” He said with a little more ferocity than intended as his guts twisted themselves into a knot. “Just something I—”

Before he could even finish his sentence, the angry snarl of heat and indigestion coiling in his stomach sped for immediate freedom. His body was a pipe bursting open to release the build up of pressure, and the sound that escaped Steve Rogers echoed through the confined space like a foghorn calling across the Hudson. He swore he could feel it rumble in the floor under his feet, and by the way the Alpha Labs brunette took a step back, she probably had as well.

As their eyes met, Steve would later recount this as the very moment he could feel his soul physically leave his body in its attempt to escape the betrayal and humiliation his anatomy had inflicted upon him.

There were no words to express the absolute horror he felt, but if Steve thought that was bad, the smell that followed made him wish for sudden, instant death; anything to end this entire experience. The odor curled around him and stretched out to fill the room, and even while their eyes were locked in a mixture of shock and shame, one of the brunette’s hands flew up to clap over her nose and mouth, her eyes already beginning to water.

“I am _so_ sorry!” He all but shouted, the heat in his face from before paling in comparison to the mortified blush that took its place.

The woman shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, and then a second later she gasped for air and started to laugh, quickly pulling her shirt up and over her face to try and escape the stench. When she looked at him again her eyes were rimmed with tears, whether from the smell or her laughter he wasn’t quite sure. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. All he wanted was for the elevator cables to snap so he could avoid everything about this.

“Holy shit what did you _eat_?” She asked between breathless cackles, fanning herself with one hand as the other kept her shirt up and over her nose.

“Something I hope kills me in the next couple seconds.” He bluntly confessed with a groan before lifting his own shirt up to breathe through, the pain in this mouth and throat temporarily forgotten.

“Oh I definitely know—”

Between the laughter, the horror and everything between, neither of them had noticed that they’d reached the ground floor until the doors slid opened with a _DING._ They both turned to look at the same time, their eyes widening at the sight of Sharon Carter, Maria Hill, and Nick Fury standing there, waiting to step inside. Nobody spoke for a second as the three took in the sight ahead of them, a sight Steve could only imagine as ridiculous. And then, before anyone could say anything or even move, there was immediate recognition on their faces as the once contained pungency wafted away to dissipate in peace, but not before blowing a putrid kiss to every person it passed along the way.

Time froze as Steve imagined the rest of his life. It was a life filled with peers bringing this up at the most inopportune times because there was no way this would stay a secret. Tony would find out somehow. It would be a joke at every party. It was a life filled with superiors losing _just a little_ respect for him because despite him being no less human than them, he was held to a different degree of professionalism and perfection than they were. He was _enhanced_. It was a life where he was _not_ taking Sharon Carter out to dance because this was _not_ something a person did in front of a romantic interest if they wanted to keep that interest at all romantic. It was a life where the unblemished image of Captain America was now—

“If Jane ever invites you guys out for gas station tacos for the love of god, _just say no._ ” The woman beside him said suddenly, freeing her face and laying a hand against her stomach. “My guts are _literally_ giving me the finger right now so like, you might wanna give that thing a few minutes to air out unless you're looking to burn out a few nose hairs or something." She glanced over her shoulder then and grew a half-smile, the kind that said _we're even now buddy_ as she finished with, "I think I might've killed the Captain in there though. Twenty floors of that'll do anyone in, so uh, yeah you might wanna get some air soldier."

And without another word she stepped out of the elevator and breezed past the others, hands shoved into her pockets and legs moving fast. Steve was still too stunned to speak, the gratitude he would later feel yet unprocessed as he stood there staring at Sharon Carter with his eyes wide and his t-shirt still hanging off his nose. He cleared his throat for lack of anything better to do and it fell off. Maria shook her head, waving a hand in front of her face to try and move the smell away as her expression curled in distaste.

"That is super-villain level toxicity." She commented, glancing over her shoulder to catch the front door of the building swing shut.

“Who in the _hell_ was that?” Fury demanded, looking at each of them in turn, but Steve was still too speechless to respond.

Not that he could have answered even if he’d wanted to.

**Author's Note:**

> Was this too cringe?  
> Do you want more?  
> Please let me know! 
> 
> I have more ideas for other encounters, so if you guys want them I'll try not to take another year this time around. I really do love the idea of these anti meet-cutes though, and I hope they're a nice change of pace. If I keep going with this though there will definitely be continuity (as seen here), so it'll be interesting how many embarrassing moments I can squeeze in between these two. At any rate, hope you liked this!


End file.
